M: I've Got A Secret
by WhyDoYouWantToKnow
Summary: Everybody has a secret, no matter how open they seem. Sometimes it just takes a small push for those things to be thrust into the spotlight. Oneshot with each character, stories do have connections with the others. Rated M for a reason and will have triggering content in the chapters.


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters. Only the plot of this story belongs to me.**

I sat on Alfred's couch as I waited for my brother to quit arguing with my boyfriend so we could all leave to meet Kiku, Alfred's current fiancé, at the new restaurant that had opened up downtown. Apart from the sounds of arguing it was a nice place. The couch had been broken in and was comfy, probably from all the hours Alfred had put into his video games. I looked at the clock and was shocked. We were supposed to be at the restaurant in half an hour and it would take us at least 20 minutes to get there and we weren't even close to being ready to go.

"Guys I think we really need to go." I said to them, but of course they didn't hear me. Nobody usually ever heard me, except Gilbert, but he was caught up in the argument with Alfred.

"Ha, you worthless piece of shit, you know he'll never love you as much as he loves him." a familiar voice sneered at me as Gilbert, started a "who's awesomer" argument with Alfred. Sometimes I swore these two were 5 instead of 17 and 19.

"I mean, see how much they act like they hate each other, but you remember when he confessed how much he loved Alfred to you. How you listened to him as he bared his soul to you, and how you tried not to cry as he told you how he will always be in lo-"

"Stop!" I yelled, forgetting for the moment that nobody else could hear, or know about, the voice that had been with me since I was very young. At first it was just telling me that nobody cared, but I already knew that since everyone ignored me. Even my own father forgot I existed on occasion. Then one day I saw Gilbert, and, not surprisingly, his eyes were on Alfred. Soon after though he actually saw me. I was so happy that someone had finally noticed me that it didn't matter to me that he liked Alfred. We became fast friends and even had some things in common like having brothers. Except Gilbert kind of resented his little brother, who I learned was named Ludwig, for being the star child and Alfred and I were really close.

"Mattie! Mattie, are you okay?" Gilbert's voice broke me out of the zombie like trance I had been in while remembering everything.

"Y-yeah. I'm fine, don't worry Gil." I said and went to lay a shaking (wait shaking? When did I start shaking?) hand on him.

"Are you sure?" He asked, clearly not believing for a minute that I was okay.

"Yeah." I said as I stood up (wait, when did I fall on my knees?) and quickly exited the room. I headed to me house, which was only a couple blocks away. I got there in no time and quickly headed up to my room where I could be alone in the peace and quiet to calm down. I turned on the stereo and laid back on my bed, trying to calm my racing heart. I couldn't believe that I had let Gilbert see me like that, after all the time I had put into preventing that.  
There had only been one instance where he had even come close to seeing me like that. I had barely had enough time to lock myself in the bathroom before he walked in, and then talking him into leaving was a whole different problem in itself.

"Mattie, oh Mattie are you okay?" It was starting again, "I sure hope so, because you won't be later. Alfred and I are now together and I'm so much happier than I ever was with you." He, well it, was doing an extremely convincing impression of Gilbert. Too convincing as soon he/it had succeeded in bringing me to tears once again.

"Why," I asked it, "Why do you put me in so much pain? What did I do to deserve something like this?" I started sobbing at the last part.

"Me? Put you in pain? I'm just telling you the truth, but if you really want it to stop so much then I can tell you how to do it..." It's voice sounded like it was sincerely wanting to help, but a hint of joy, malice, and excitement laced the undertones of it.

"Please, please I'll do anything. Just make this torture stop." I was begging it now. I didn't care that the rational half of my mind was telling me that it wouldn't help to give into it. I didn't care though. Imaginary voice or not it was telling me how to make this all go away. I would finally be normal, I could heal.

"Go into the bathroom." It ordered me. I got up from my bed, shakily walked to the bathroom, and looked at myself in the mirror that was on the front of my medicine cabinet. My hair was everywhere, my face was blotched with red from my crying, my eyes were puffy for the same reason, and I was almost as white as paper. The part that shocked me the most though, was that in my violet eyes, behind the tears and sorrow, there was a look of animalistic bloodlust.

"Open the cabinet." It told me, and I obeyed. I didn't know what it wanted from there until my eyes settled on the razors that I kept in there. The light danced on the blades and made them look  
incredibly beautiful and deadly. The rational part of my brain kicked into overdrive at this. It screamed at me to run away and get out of this place, but my feet were frozen to the floor.

"Take it." the voice said to me, "feel how nice and cold it is against your hot skin. Let it comfort you like nobody else has." I gently grabbed one, knowing exactly what it wanted me to do. My arm started to tingle from my wrist to my elbow. Was this really what I wanted to do? I put the razor against my arm and winced slightly as the blade broke skin. Yes. This was exactly what I wanted to do.

I pressed down more and a sigh left my lips. My mind went blank and then all I could feel was pain.

"Mattheu what are you doing?!" I heard Gilbert yell. I hadn't heard him come in. In a panic I dropped the razor on the tile floor of the bathroom. I turned around slowly to face him. Electricity flowed freely through my veins now and I was ready to face him with what the voice had convinced me of.

"Why do you care Gilbert? I know you're just here to tell me you're leaving for Alfred finally. Get the hell out of here and let me finish this." I growled at him with the strength I had left. Gilbert stared at me, a shocked expression on his face as tears began to form in his eyes. I was steadily growing weaker and it had gotten harder to stay standing and focused.

"How can you even say that?" He choked out; his voice was barely a whisper. It hurt me to see him like this, but It was right, he would just make the pain right.

"We both know it's true!" I continued, " You remember when you told me all those years ago that you loved him! You said you would always love him, not me! It's never me!" With those words I picked the razor back up and cut as far into my arm as I could. Blood started pouring out of the wound as I cut the artery and created a puddle at my feet. With the remaining strength I had I took the razor again and cut as deep as I could into my neck. I collapsed and fell into the pool of what was once my life. The last thing I saw before my eyes closed a final time was Gilbert, tears falling down his face, drop a small box and fall to his knees.


End file.
